|Samantha's 1st Birthday|
Laced between all of the daunting days has been a little bit of life. Somehow, it happened and I didn't know it. I certainly didn't plan it. The season of Spring has beckoned me to life, and I have tried to respond. Gardening, walking, riding, by nature, I love to be outside. Graduations, gatherings and girlfriends have given me a reason to get up and get going. Projects, people and purpose have rendered reason to respond. Even problems of a normal life have distracted me and required my performance. All these things reducing my writing. That's ok, too. The Bible tell us there is a season for everything.
At one time, I thought of writing a blog titled, "Learning a New Language." Quickly, without any initiation of my own, I was hurled into many new worlds; grief, maritime law, psychological counseling, search and rescue, trauma, medical, religious, spiritual, insurance and attorneys. I walked in a language minefield for quite a time; not fully understanding the vocabulary associated with each field. However, sometimes having to make lasting decisions concerning them all. I like words and want to understand. One of the words on that list was Grace, I needed to grasp the true meaning. I have heard, spoken, read and said this word. It was printed on just about every sympathy card I received. However, I knew I didn't truly get what it meant for me and my life, with respect to sympathy and Samantha. I mean really get it!! ( I took a poll, I am not the only one ignorant of a true understanding) I was fortified when I cleaned a bookshelf and laid my hands on one of my old books, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph. D. She starts off describing grace as, "One of those intangible qualities that is difficult to describe but easy to recognize." There you go, it is difficult to describe; making it hard to understand. I'm feeling better. Jesus Lives by Sarah Young confirmed for me that grace is God's provision in my life. Towards the end of May, James preached a sermon on grace; further reinforcing my growing knowledge. He explained there were different types of grace. As well, he recited the lyrics of "Amazing Grace",
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
I sat there and thought about that; trying to recall how that looked in my life. Well, I couldn't ignore the overwhelming joy I felt at that moment, as I peered down the pew at Brooke and four of her friends. Yes, 4 teenage guests on one day. For no single "reason" at all, there they sat with us. I was thrilled - my heart was happy! I was happy for them - I was happy for myself. I was so grateful and thankful for the presence of those kids; and not feeling suffocated with the absence of Samantha. Sweet, sweet grace! God's provision in my life! That's how it looks! As this day came to a close, I wandered outside to water; the evening was still and I could hear within myself. I marveled at James' message and my mother's moment. My soul stirred, I clearly realized at that moment, that I would be given everything I need to get through this unthinkable tragedy. It won't be easy, it won't always be pretty or "right", nor will I know what to expect. But, what I do know is, His Grace has brought me safe thus far and His Grace will lead me home.